I don’t really talk much about “Corporate Corey,” because I find that she’s not nearly as interesting as the girl who considers her Clone Trooper helmet as essential winter gear.  I’m not the same girl at my day job as I am outside of work because not many people, if any, that I work with are into the same things as I am.

These days I feel like I’m almost back in the closet with my nerdy tendencies in my everyday life.  I didn’t realize that’s such a huge part of who I am until I had to fill out a “get to know me” type survey for work.  When I had to share a few words about myself, I hesitated.  What do I say?  Did I want to out myself in front of work peers?  Let’s face it, adults will still look at other adults that have nerdy interests as “weird”.  I suddenly had flashbacks to being in elementary school and feeling ashamed when the cheerleader who sat next to me ask me why I had such a “dumb” bookmark—it was Fire Mario for those who may be wondering. Two decades later, and I’m still concerned with what people think.

I made mention of this dilemma to a friend I while I was reveling in the explosion of nerdology at PAX over the weekend.  I told her that while I proudly have a remote controlled R2D2 on my desk, that’s about as much geek catnip as I put out there in my work life.  What I was not expecting was her response—“But Star Wars is so mainstream.”

I started thinking about this more, because in a way she was right—nerd culture is pretty much everywhere, these days.  However, that wasn’t always the case.  I remember as a kid making a homemade Jedi costume out of a wool poncho, and MacGyver-ing my recorder to attach to my belt like a lightsaber; but when the neighborhood girls came over to play, I shamefully hid any evidence of my galactic adventures.  I learned from my peers at an early age to feel embarrassed for liking what wasn’t popular and spent most of my life not advertising the fact that I’d rather sit at my PC planning my escape from Phobos than daydreaming about my perfect wedding.

You try not to let childhood experiences rule your adult life, but they shape you in ways you don’t always realize.  I’m always telling people to never be ashamed of who they are, yet I found this childhood peer-induced “nerd shame,” still haunting me in my Corporate American life.  While being a nerd has become pretty mainstream these days—thanks in part to my fellow nerds growing up and making it cool—there’s a difference between wearing a Batman tee-shirt and actually admitting to owning a Batman comic book collection.

Regardless, that mental exercise was what I needed to reaffirm my decision on the “about me” survey for work.  I had decided to be honest and share my love of pop culture, video games and comic books instead of making up a couple of sentences how I like to go home from work and cook dinner before going to bed and doing at all over again the next day.   If I’m labeled as a “that girl” in my work life, what do I care? I’d still rather spend my weekend rubbing elbows with a dude dressed up as Boba Fett than reorganizing my linen closet. Some people plant flowers for fun, I just so happen to shoot zombies.